Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Wit yo stankin ass

Ok Bitches! (shout to Cmoney), it's officially on and poppin'! ScUba, Cmoney, and myself felt that is was time to present yall with some ish that we thought was worthy of discussion, but with all the bullish that's going on today, it kind of slips through the cracks. And who better to bring nonsense to light, than a petty bitch such as myself. Most of the time Im at work (even though I don't really do much), and I've been spending these last couple of weeks here just mulling over things that really piss me off ... and no, im not done mulling. I did however run across a news article today that sparked the memory of every stank mufucha I've ever come within a close proximity of. In Bangkok (no homo, of course), Thailand doctors removed 50 maggots from a man's ear, and the only reason that they knew that they were there in the first place is because the man went to the hospital to complain about the itch! The dirrty ace muddafucha had scratched his ears so hard that the eardrum had actually ruptured, leaving him with an earful of bloody maggots. The cause was a couple of flies who made their way into this cruddy bastards earlobe, and took it upon themselves to have their babies there. Now the first question that I asked my fellow coworker was "How can a person not tell the difference between good ol' fashioned earwax and 50 effin maggots!? Seriously, I would like to know....anyone, anyone...Bueller? So that's what brought me to our first topic of discussion, personal hygiene. Now I know that we all learned the basic principals back in fifth grade, but obviously many of us don't feel the need to actively apply the knowledge. Really the only exceptions that can be granted are for the people without the means to acquire the necessary sanitary products as in q-tips, soaps, and deodorants. Now as for the rest of you lazy sapp suckers there is absolutely no excuse. The first time that I remember being personally effected by someone's lack of water to body contact, was when I was in high school. I attended a school that specialized in the Culinary Arts so cleanliness was about 20% of your final grade, and there was this one lard butt that went there by the name of Dean (who if you actually saw him preparing your food, you would trash it while he wasn't looking). Now he sticks out in my mind because he happened to be one of the palest white people I had ever seen until then, the type that get all red and flushed just by walking to the bathroom. Anyway, we were cooking outside one day because the weather was so nice, and I happened to glance down at the short sleeve clad ivory behemoth....and his elbows are GREEN! People I bullshit you not, they were green. I don't know if this is some type of white persons disease that I don't know about, or maybe he was resting his chin in his hands and got his elbows stuck in some Nickelodeon slime that happened to be lying around, again I don't know but I was physically ill. Which brings me to the question, why not wash? The rest of him wasn't green so I assume he washed his other parts, why not the elbows?
What makes this an offense to society is the fact that this guy is now a chef working at 4 and 5 star restaurants. And if you think I'm being to hard on him, take into consideration the fact that I saw this dude scratch his behind with a fork that was used to serve patrons. Just think, that could have been your fork.

And believe me I know full well that I'm not perfect, we have all had those days were we forgot to put deodorant on, which is is why I learned to carry an extra stick in my car. But how does one not realize that they carry a foul odor with them wherever they go?
Like this one time I had to catch a cab to school because I was running late, I threw up in my mouth the whole ride because of the cabbies bacteria laden stench that had permeated the whole car. *This last sentence was not a joke, im actually very traumatized from it and I haven't ridin in a cab since then. Which is why I would like to start a movement to confront these stankin *ss muddafucha every time they think they can come out in public smelling like they do. And if your at all offended by this, then im talking to YOU....wit yo stankin ass.